After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
