whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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