I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
honey bunches of taint.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
