Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
