The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
