but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
