This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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