I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
