can u get pink eye on your cock?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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