finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
