spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
