I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
