I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
