Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
