My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
