Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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