I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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