i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
