Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
