shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
