So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
