She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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