Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
