Got a toothbrush?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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