we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
