im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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