Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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