i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
