oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
