well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
