No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
