OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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