Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
