The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god it's open bar.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
