Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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