fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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