Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
