i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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