So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
