so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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