What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
