well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My cat gives me a boner
P.S. I can't hear my feet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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