Cold hands, warm shart.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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