You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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