awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
