I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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