You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
