Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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