I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
