I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
